Saturday, January 22, 2011

The weight grows...

Musings of an aging body, growing tired and not as physically or mentally alert. What to do when most of my waking moments are spent in front of a glowing rectangle - and not with the one who keeps me- fit? One form of exercise I find myself involved in is juggling... yes work, relationships and all those predictable things. Sometimes it's okay. When I don't ignore reality, those moments of clarity bring paralysis in thought. 

I wrangled my way to go OS and attend a conference (without presenting!) because I believed it to be most valuable to anyone wanting to keep abreast of research in neuroscience (and I needed an excuse for a holiday- albeit too short!) This week another 'opportunity' arose and now I am to give an oral presentation at said conference.

The short-lived excitement now in lies in knots of frustration and dark shadows cast on my face. There is a tortuous task ahead of bringing together other people's work. Though I played my part in the research, I lack faith in my understanding (or lack) of the method of analysis.

And now there is a primate of sorts on my back, a throbbing headache and heavy shoulders which control hands that orchestrate hands to type in procrastination (and then go back to edit the draft).

I spent the better half of this day sorting through hours of footage to create one video (it better work properly!) and an amazing technicolour image. Now for the guts. Finding the words- or spinning the BS.

How appropriate...

Let's see what the next 3 hours of my Saturday night offer in terms of productivity.

Friday, January 14, 2011

tickets booked...

How does this turn out?
Check back in early February I guess. 

Need a break and can feel it coming- but afraid it will be the wrong kind.
I've lost my sense of wonder and adventure.

What happened?

Monday, January 10, 2011

in bloom + in depth

Carlton, 2nd January 2011

I like this photo.
The flower is sharply in focus and each petal is distinct, yet the background looks dreamy - blurred and slightly out of focus, colours washed out with the glow of the late afternoon sun. The trio are deep in discussion, oblivious.

the courage of your own disatisfaction prompts...

Cloudy thoughts to doubt what you have
Fantastic deceptions to gnash at with emotion -
Forge ahead!
Time creeps forward, and opportunities slip by.
Wring hands and sigh deeply 
Relief that these thoughts are just so
And night brings peace to conversations with the loved.

- Stream of consciousness rabble and late night creative drivel

Sunday, January 9, 2011

beyond the glass ceiling

 Melbourne Central station- Elizabeth Street, 28th December 2010

What do you see when you look up? 
A clear, glass ceiling reinforced with steel.
Light streams through and is reflected off windows from the tower above as it stretches out into the sky, beyond your reach.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Hypothetical to do list for 2011

Technical skills
Actually learn some other research techniques (molecular, histology, etc)
Perform proper analysis of observations
Become well versed in areas of current research (for starters read those 6 papers)
Work through sketch software & tutorials for designs 

Novel territories
Travel to Germany, Greece, Japan, USA, Brazil, NZ?
Learn new language skills: Chinese, German, Korean or Japanese
Invest in an electric bike or conversion kit
See a new town every week (either local or interstate)
Change in career direction (don't actually have a direction)
Return to study part-time (but what could help me become more employable?)

Strengthen relationship with love, family, friends and work folk
Get back into swimming
Publish that damned paper
Find work that is challenging and interests me - don't let another year pass without testing self
Develop and draw something every day... doesn't matter what? 
Think, analyse and evaluate effectively

Don't expect much. Try anyway. Aim for more

As suggestions go these seem vague yes, but it's a start and some more specific goals need to incubate before being voiced.


Wildly enthusiastic and/or irregular in form...

Just like me. Sometimes

where it's at...

Sometimes here, I hope.
Sharing information and on occasion trying to process and make sense of it all.
There is an infinite amount of knowledge and opinion to read.
Much, which I believe is beyond my capacity to understand at present.
This I hope to act as the forum for dissection and analysis.

I need it.
But do I need to share it? Not really. Indulge me.